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ANNIKA KELLY STRAIN
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Annika's Eulogy
as delivered by her father, Mike Strain

November 14, 2002 - September 6, 2006

Good Afternoon. On behalf of Anna and I and our families, I would like to thank you all for coming.

I had always imagined giving this talk, well a different talk, on behalf of Annika, but I had imagined it would be some 20 plus years from now. I would have had much more time to think about what I wanted to say about how proud we are of our sweet angel. We would all see how much she grown and accomplished in her life. Annika would be wearing a white dress, and her new husband would be wearing a tux next to her, and they would look the pinnacle of happiness. But as we are all aware that was never meant to be.

Anna and I got engage 6 years ago, Labor Day Weekend, 2000. We never really made much of an anniversary of it, as that is not the type of people we are, but it was always something that stuck in the back of both of our minds. I was never really aware of how much Anna thought about it, until Sunday of Labor Day 2006. We were in the hospital, as we were for most holidays of late, and we had just gotten news about how grave Annika's situation really was. We were both reeling from the news, when she turned to me and said, "you know...we got engaged this weekend". It was then that I realized that this weekend will always be an anniversary, for the rest of our days.

We will certainly miss her, but Anna and I take solace in the fact that Annika is no longer suffering. We both feel like a huge weight had been lifted. Not a burden on us so much, as life's burden on Annika. Her passing has set her free.

No longer will she be confined by her health, her "pee-pee bag", Low blood counts, daily shots and medications, trips to the doctors or chemo.

We, including Annika, no longer have to live in fear of this disease coming back, or what life might be like when she's 10 or 15 or 25. We don't have to break the news to her that she would never be able to have babies of her own.

I am sure her birthday in November will be tough, as will the many holidays and family gatherings, as Annika will not be physically present, but we know that she'll always be there with us. She so loved celebrating birthdays that oftentimes we would have pretend birthdays, complete with cupcakes, candles and the "happy birthday" song.

We will continue to live life for her and to do the things Annika truly loved. We hope that you will continue to share your life and children with us, without the fear of making us sad. We want to hear the funny stories, and enjoy lifes moments with you.

It isn't easy but, amongst the tears today, we want also to celebrate Annika's life.

She was a creature of habit, just like her father and loved eating her favorite foods at her special places, "hot stickers & worms" from Dragon Well, Vanilla milkshakes at In-N-Out Burger, guacamole from the Quesadilla store as well as burger and fries from Johnny Rockets. Sometimes, on the way to school, we would stop and get a sprinkle doughnut and 3 doughnut holes, of course because she was 3 years old. She so loved being 3.

She was funny, sweet and smart. She had a memory like an elephant, often times telling the nurses at the hospital or clinic what they needed to do next. Sometimes, when she was feeling well at the hospital, she would love to sit out at the nurses station and do "her work". She also loved to play in her "clubhouse" and ride around the floor on "Frank", the name she so affectionately had given to her IV pole.

She loved to ride her bike and play at the beach, build a "big frosty" with me at Tahoe in the winter, and ride on Papa's boat in the summer.

Annika and I often went on daddy dates, just the two of us, and it was usually about giving her mom a break, but it was something very special for the two of us to go out alone.

She loved watching her favorite shows on TV, sometimes too much. She could tell you about every Scooby Doo episode, if you asked.

Sometimes in the morning, she would sneak, quietly down the stairs and stop at the landing, peak around the banister just to see if we were awake, then jump into bed to snuggle with us, because it was "morning time".

I will miss her asking for "5 minutes", as that is what she would say anytime she didn't want to do something. The time was arbitrary, but it was her way of telling us she didn't want to do it at this moment.

She loved her "fast shoes", her "Jo-Jo shoes", her slippers and rain boots.

She loved Cinderella! You should have seen the look on her face when Anna told her that her wish had been granted and we were going to Disneyland, although it was never meant to be.

She would love to sit on our laps and pretend to work on our computers, just so she could be close to us. She loved to play with her food and cash register, cook in her kitchen.

She loved to drive Papa's red car, feed the chickens, collect eggs and pick pumpkins in Papa's yard.

She loved her big cousins! JohnAugust, Karaline and AnnaSara, David and Spencer, Sabrina and Ryan. She loved the spend-overs she got to have with them, and the special time they got to spend together.

She loved her special buddies, Marco and Will. They were the three amigos. I can only imagine the trouble they would get into in the years to come. Marco even called her sweetheart sometimes.

She loved to sing and often dance, loved all animals, especially her dog Finnegan, her bunny hop-hop.

She loved to tell the story of how Finnegan ate my toes, as she laughed so hard she would double over.

One of my favorite parts of the day would be when I was driving home, and either Anna would call me, or I would call home, some times Annika would get on the phone, Her angelic voice saying "Hi Daddy", could lift anyone's day. The conversations usually didn't last too much beyond that, as she would often put the phone down and I would end up talking to the couch and she would go back to doing whatever it was she was doing before she said hello, but it was still great nonetheless.

She loved to go to HER zoo, HER beach, HER park and HER museum. We loved to lay in bed at night and talk about our day and all the people we loved. She would ask me, "Daddy, how you day?"

She loved the thought of vanilla ice cream with sprinkles but most times I think she would have preferred a single squirt of whip cream.

I would like to take a moment to thank and acknowledge a few people who have been so significant to us over the course of this journey. First and foremost, to our families, you have all been there in such a meaningful and active way, for Annika, Katrina as well as Anna and myself. I thank you for your continued love and support.

And to all the people of UCSF, where we had made a 2nd home for so many days in the last year and half, thank you for your compassion, your efforts but most of all your love. You have embraced our family on this journey, and for this I thank you.

No one imagines they will ever say goodbye forever to a child, much less to their own child. We will all miss Annika's long fingers and toes, her beautiful blue eyes, her infectious smile and her angelic voice. We will miss her so much, that it hurts.

She so loved being a big sister. Singing "Wheels on the Bus" and "Twinkle-Twinkle little star" to little boo, as she helped her mommy or I change sissy's diaper.

In time, Katrina will start to miss her "big sis" as well, even if never fully comprehending the events of the past few days. It is because of this that we ask you to take a "Memories of Annika" card and envelope, and share with Katrina, your memories of her big sister. It doesn't need to be today or tomorrow, but sometime, please write down a few thoughts that we can share with Katrina about her big sissy, Annika. Feel free to drop it into one of the baskets, or drop it in the mail. When the time is right, we will give them to Katrina, so she can more fully enjoy the memories of her big sister.

I am sad, and the tears will continue but we have begun the healing process. We're going to be alright. We do however, very much appreciate all the love and support.

I could go on forever, so just one last story before I go. Annika had a very unique way of telling us she loved us, she would say "Mommy, Daddy, I so totally love you forever." This always was sure to make us smile, not only from the thought she was trying to convey, but also in how cute it really was. One of my favorite moments was this past July, we were up at Tahoe, sharing a bed, mommy and Katrina were in the other room. In the middle of the night, she rolled over, threw her arms around me and said those exact words, "I so totally love you forever."

Last Tuesday, after a few hours of labored breathing, Anna and I thought the end was surely near. Needless to say, Annika woke up and had a few great moments of lucidity, where she came to, gave each of us a huggy huggy, and mumble the words, "I so totally love you." It was a moment I will never forget. And a few minutes later, before she slipped back asleep, she was too tired to speak, she just help her arms up, so she could give each of us one last hug.

Boo, your mom and I miss you and we will SO totally love you forever.






The AKS Foundation
130 Funston Avenue
San Francisco, CA 94118

info@annikastrain.com


The Annika Kelly Strain Foundation, established in 2006, is a 501(c)(3) organization.

@ 2007 Annika Kelly Strain Foundation
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